Monday, October 24, 2011

God Is Not Dead

There is a separation between church and state, but there is no such separation between church and sports.

We have Devils and Saints. My Angels. The same idols we raise are the same idols we demolish.

And I say unto you that God is not dead.

In fact, the Devil just died.

God Is Merciful


A month ago, Philly fans were feeling pretty good about themselves. Halladay, Lee, Hamels, and Oswalt. The Dream Team.

A little too good. Philly fans don't deserve to feel good about their teams. I don't even think they want to.

Philly fans hate. They hate you if you're good to them—Santa Claus, the QB who made the mistake of leading the Eagles to five NFC Championship games1, Ryan Howard—and they want to kill you if you're Mitch Williams.

With a little more success, Philly fans were about to level up to Massholes, but more violent.

Then the Big Man stepped in, on Howard's Achilles.

God Is Just


Superman has spun the Earth back, and all is right again.

Did 2004 and 2007 happen? As indisputably as Margot Kidder being swallowed by that fault.

Did Robert Andino's liner circumnavigate the globe and turn the clock back to 2003? According to all the subsequent Masshole bitching and backbiting, yes!

The Nation still copes with losing better than winning2. Those championships may as well have just been drug-induced hallucinations.

Baltimore fucked the Red Sox over again! I wish I owned a restaurant so I could feed the Andino for the rest of his life.

God Is Good


Am I jealous of the Evil Empire, their 27 championships, and their ability to bury contracts like cute little time capsules?

Was the Rebellion jealous of the Death Star?

Not everyone can have a Death Star, and there's always someone who wants to blow yours up3.

Living gives me few pleasures, and watching the Yankees lose is one of them4.


1 In contrast, does anyone in Buffalo hate Jim Kelly? I know Kelly led the Bills to championship games. Anyone think that Philly fans would be more forgiving of McNabb if he had lost 4 more Super Bowls instead?

2 I consider what they did to Francona to be how the Red Sox deal with winning, or more specifically, a winner. Perhaps it was Tito's time to go...but that way? Even Torre and the Yankees parted with more class, and Francona hasn't even penned his tell-all book yet!

3 As a Lakers fan, I know about that "Hate in Yo Eyes."

4 Every time the Death Star blows, a Steinbrenner loses a little soul.


Sulai Shock&Awe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sulai Shock&Awe said...

You are a Lakers fan and that invalidates everything you say... poser.

Sheng Peng said...

It was a more innocent time for us as sports fans before 2000. We had our flagship franchises (Lakers, Celtics). We had our legendary losers (Angels, Red Sox) And we had our plain losers (Kings, Patriots). The Pats and Angels won, then the rest of all the Boston teams...